Parental narcissistic harassment is where the parent requires the child to let go of his own desires and feelings to meet the parent's need for appreciation. This term emerged in the late twentieth century because of the works of Alice Miller and other Neo-Freudians, rejecting psychoanalysis as akin to toxic pedagogy.
Self-help culture assumes that a person who is abused by a narcissistic parent as a child may be struggling with codependency problems in adulthood. Adults who are or have a relationship with a narcissist may struggle with not knowing what is a "normal" relationship.
Narcissistic harassment was originally defined only as a special form of emotional abuse of children by narcissistic parents. In recent years this term has been applied more widely to refer to any narcissistic abuse, particularly adult-to-adult-adult-adult abuse.
Video Narcissistic abuse
Parenting
Antecedents: Ferenczi
The root of current concerns with narcissistic abuse can be traced back to the recent work of SÃÆ'¡ndor Ferenczi. In Ferenczi's passionate, restless, and unsteady effort to help the people who are involved by other analysts, they despair and lie. All modern psychoanalytic theories of "schizoid", "narcissistic," and "border" disorder.
In his paper, "Confusion of the Tongue Between Adults and Children," Ferenczi argues that a mother can make a lifetime nurse, who is actually a surrogate mother, coming out of the child in mourning her affliction, completely ignoring the child's interests. In such distorted parent/child interaction patterns, 'Ferenczi believes that the silence, lies, and hypocrisy of carers are the most traumatic aspect of abuse' - eventually resulting in what he calls 'narcissistic forgery'.
Ferenczi also saw the distortion in a therapeutic/patient relationship, accusing himself of being a sadistic (and, implicitly, narcissistic) abuse of his patients.
Kohut, Horney and Miller
Half a century later, after Kohut's groundbreaking announcement that the age of "normal narcissism" and ordinary narcissistic rights had arrived - age, that is, the supply of partial narcissistic normative supply - the concept of the reverse emerged: narcissistic abuse. According to Kohut, maternal ignorance is a failure to perform narcissistic functions of selfobject "reflection"... the cause of narcissistic disorder. The disbelief of one father can yield the same result: Kohut explores for example a child's transference rejection directed at a non-self-reflecting father who is preoccupied with self-improvement and thus refuses to respond to the originality of his son.
Karen Horney has independently highlighted character disorders - especially the compulsive struggle for love and power - resulting from a painful childhood raised from narcissism and parental abuse. He is thus heralded today's work in this area by Alice Miller and others.
Alice Miller puts particular emphasis on the process of reproduction of narcissistic abuse, the notion that the relationship of love and relationships with children is a repetition of previous narcissistic distortions. Miller's early work is particularly in line with the Kohut story of the deficit in empathy and reflection, with the emphasis on the way adults re-visit and perpetuate narcissistic wounds in their early years alone in the intergenerational cycle of narcissistic abuse. In Miller's view, when abused for the needs of adults, children can develop the extraordinary ability to see and respond intuitively, that is, unconsciously to the needs of this mother, or both parents, to her to take an unconscious role has been assigned to him.
Broader development
Miller's work, in its emphasis on the real-life interactions of parents and children, challenged the orthodox Freudian expression of Oedipal fantasy, in the persistent indictment of the moral and pedagogical foundations of the therapeutic industry; and do it at the point when the '1980s keyword is always "abusing".
With the passage of time (and polemical edges), a more slender and pragmatic version of the concept of narcissistic abuse gradually came to absorb most of the wider psychotherapeutic culture.
- 21st century transactional analysis has highlighted clients suffering from narcissistic abuse as children (ie, injuries to those who are developing), examining for example boys in households who are all women who only survive live by developing a strong emotional antenna to respond to the emotional needs of his mother and sister.
- Post-Jungians have explored the side effects of intense narcissistic wounds resulting from passive oppressive parents. In particular, Polly Young-Eisendrath emphasized how the mother's (or father's) parent's longing to radiate the glory reflected through their children... can bring bad results for both mother and child if they lose their capacity for autonomous development.
- The object relations theory for its part emphasizes that the most traumatic experience is the absence of emotional giving from the mother or father, and that, in an intergenerational pattern, a person raised by a tyrannical authoritarian parent will often parent their children in a way that same. Adam Phillips added that the mother who colonized her son and restrained the gestures of autonomy and hereditary differences often unconsciously longed for the justice of revenge.
- In another tradition, Julia Kristeva demonstrates how mothers and fathers, too protective and uncomfortable, have chosen a child as a narcissistic artistic member and continue to incorporate the child as an element of recovery for the adult soul, reinforcing the infant's tendency. to omnipotence.
- M. Scott Peck sees the milder, but still destructive, forms of parental narcissism, as well as the depth of confusion generated by his mother's narcissism in a more serious example.
- This term also appears with respect to parental alienation syndrome, in situations where child role reversal, such as "living antidepressants" fills the emotional void of alien parents': the result is that parents cling to children like people that sank.
Only in the heart of Freudian mainstream psychoanalysis has a more limited term, the use of pre-Ferenczi. So in the "comprehensive dictionary of psychoanalysis" in 2009, the only appearance of this term is in connection with the abuse of the sofa for narcissistic gain: The fact that it is seen by some patients and therapists as a "status symbol" lends to narcissistic abuse.
Maps Narcissistic abuse
Adult-to-adult relationship
Narcissistic harassment can also occur in adult-adult relationships, where narcissists tend to seek empathetic pairs to gain admiration for their own attributes and feelings of power and control - narcissistic supplies. Narcissists create a dynamic relationship of offenders and victims through a cycle of abuse that results in a traumatic bond that makes it difficult for their spouse to abandon the increasingly abusive relationship.
People with codependent traits may seek connection with narcissists.
Narcissistic relationships are characterized by periods of intense involvement and idealization of their spouses, followed by devaluation, and rapid disposal of a partner. Alternatively, the scenario can rotate, with ghosting (stop communication with codependent) and hoovering (luring codependent back) instead of discarding. At the beginning of a relationship (or new cycle) with a narcissist, the couple shows only the ideal self of the narcissist, which includes pseudo-empathy, kindness, and charm. Once a partner is committed to a relationship (eg, through marriage or business partnership), the true self of the narcissist will begin to emerge. Early narcissistic harassment begins with disparaging and growing comments to insult, disregard behavior, adultery, triangulation (forming a triangular relationship), sabotage, and, occasionally, physical abuse.
The essence of a narcissist is a combination of rights and low self-esteem. This sense of inadequacy is projected onto the victim. If the narcissistic person feels unattractive, they will underestimate the appearance of their romantic partner. If the narcissist makes a mistake, this error becomes a couple mistake. Narcissists are also involved in manipulative and harmful harassment by providing subtle clues and comments that result in victims questioning their own behaviors and thoughts. This is called gas lighting. Another rough tactic is public humiliation, when the narcissist says something that looks neutral but offensive to the victim and enjoys an emotional reaction. This is called dog-whistling. Any little criticism of narcissists, whether actual or perceived, often triggers the narcissistic anger and total destruction of the narcissistic person. This can be mocking screams, silent treatment or quiet sabotage (setting traps, refusing communications, hiding things, spreading rumors, etc.).
The exhaust phase can be rapid and occurs once the narcissistic supply is obtained elsewhere. In a romantic relationship, narcissistic supplies can be obtained by having affairs. The new partner is in the idealization phase and only witnesses the ideal; so again the narcissistic abuse cycle begins. Narcissists are not responsible for relationship difficulties and show no remorse. Instead of believing themselves as victims in the relationship because of their humble projection, their partner can only fail to meet their expectations.
See also
References
Further reading
Angela Atkinson, Jillian Tindall, Navigating Without Contact with Narcissist: A Recovery Roadmap for Narcissistic Abuser Victims (2017)Source of the article : Wikipedia